I wonder why

This year has opened my eyes up a lot. I have finally realized it is time to stop living in the past hoping the same things that never change, will change. I am actually giving new things and new people a chance. I have waited and hoped and hoped and waited for things from my past to work out, and the same things just kept happening. Sorry I know I am being redundant.

I am so happy that things are finally starting to work out for Camdyn and myself. We deserve someone who is going to give us all they have to give. I am not talking about money or possessions neither those are important. But someone who is willing to go into it being a little afraid. Someone who is going to actually make a sacrifice of themselves to show us we ARE important, and we are worth it.

I have felt second rate for three years, like I wasn’t good enough, or maybe I didn’t fight hard enough. Well I am done thinking that way because all I did was try. Even it the things that are happening right now don’t work out I see what I deserve, and I will not settle for anything less.

There is only so much a human being can give without receiving anything in return before they open their eyes and say, “I am done, and this time I mean it.”


Gang bangin…

Lately at work there have been issues with some of our guys having conflicting gang affiliations. I could go on for days about this, and I may post my thoughts on youth, gangs, etc. The story I am about to post has not been edited for grammar, or content. It was written by one of my residents, and there are so many things to be said through this writing. I am going to put everything exactly like he put it so you can see the world through his eyes. The story is fiction, and the names don’t reflect anyone, but the basis of the story is rooted in his own life.


Setting: Atlanta, GA

Mike: Big time drug dealer and gang banger. Description: He is a muscular smart guy 18 yrs who drops out of school. With dreads

Kebo: Is Mike’s younger brother and he is a gang banger to. Description: He is 15 and 5ft 10in. He has dreads and always wears a hoodie.

Tevin: Is Mike’s homeboy and helps him sell drugs. 19yrs. Description:He is  6ft tall, with an goatee. Always sits on the newspaper stand and wait for licks.

Kimberly: She is Kebo and Mike’s mother. Description: She is short with long hair and light skin.

Timmy: Is the crackhead who Mike and Tevin sell drugs to. Description: Has an hat and some drug Air Force 1’s.

Joe: Was the police that messed with all of the drug dealers and gang bangers. Description: A short officer that harrassed drug dealers.

Scooby: Is the drug lord and supply Mike and Teving with drugs. Description: Is tall long hair drives a Caprice with rims. Its an green Caprice.


Learn the Hard Way

Once upon a time there was two brothers in the projects. They had no father figure in there life. They got into gangs when there father got life in prison for murder. Once he got lock up the brothers just fell apart. There grades started falling and Mike dropped out. He joined the gang, so Kebo he younger brother followed his older brother footsteps.

This is how it all started in Atlanta, Georgia. First day the summer started Mike and his homeboy Tevin said they want to make some fast money to help there mom pay the bills. So Tevin told Mike that he had a connection for some crack. They went to the trap and bought 2 kilos. When they got there Scooby said what are you going to do with it. Mike said he was going to sell it. Later on that day Mike called Tevin and told him that they had a gang meeting at the trap house. Once the meeting was over Kebo, Tevin, and Mike went to post on the block to sell them kilos. The first salesperson is Timmy a.k.a. crack monster.

The first move they made was to crack head Timmy. They sold him a fifty, thats when the neighborhood officer Joe showed up. When Kebo, Mike, Tevin and Timmy saw Joe they all ran off the block. When Jose saw Timmy, Joe chased Timmy and he fell and his tooth fell out. So Kebo and Mike went home to lay low. While they were laying low their mom said you guys need to just go back to school and do the right thing. So they just went upstairs and started talking to each other about getting some heat. The next day Kebo and Mike went to the block to find some heat. When they found the heat the gunsaler was like “I got a .357 mag.” So the bought three 45’s.

When they got the heat, later on that day the called Tevin and told him to meet them at the trap. When Tevin got there, Kebo gave Tevin his .45. From there they started talking about robbing an drug dealer. the drug dealer was working for Scooby, the one they got the crack form.

So the went to go find the drug dealer that had all the money and drugs. The word was that he be on Nineth Street. That’s when Mike, Kebo, and Tevin went to Nineth Street and they saw him sitting on the block waiting on a lick to come threw. So they were thinking hit the dealer and the lick. Five minutes later the lick came, so Mike took off towards the dealer with the 45. Then he put the 45 in the dealer face. That’s when Kebo and Tevin stuck up the lick and told him to flip his pocket. Mike on the other hand smacked the dealer with the tool. So that’s when Mike ran his pockets and got the stash. Kebo and Tevin got the lick and the got about 2,000.00

Once they got the money, they all ran to the trap to count the money. The walked in and Mike and Tevin big homie was in there waiting on Mike. So his big homie told Mike and Tevin to go shoot at the crips. Mike told Kebo to give his gun to him, and go lay low at his girl house. So Mike and Tevin drove their big homie car to go to the crip hood. They sat around the block, until the sun went down. When the sun went down they put on ski-masks and red flags. They rolled down the window and rod around the corner and spotted them. So they pulled out the .45 and started shooting at them, Mike hit two of the crips in the leg and the other in the neck. Tevin hit the O.G. in the stomach. When they hith thime the drove off and went to the trap to drop the car off. They went into the trap that night and took the masks off.

They told the big homie they had got them. When the finished talking, Mike called Kebo to meet him at home. So they chilled at home for the rest of the night. They sat around the table in there room and counted the money, they had got. When the time went by they fell to sleep. They next morning they woke up and cut on the T.V., that stuff was on. They told there mom they were leaving to go to the trap for a couple of days.

So the drove to the trap to talk to the O.G. They went in and dapped up the O.G., he said “that’s what’s poppin. They had females in the trap counting money. Mike and Tevin seen the newspaper and saw the three they had killed. The work on the street is that Tevin and Mike hit the crips O.G. The police went upnder investigation to see who kille dthe tree dudes that got hit in a drive-yb. The police went to ask questions, but when they finished, all they got was nicknames. So through all the names, the finally got Mike and Tevin name.

So they put out a warrant for Mike and Tevin, then their mother’s found out. When they found out they had a warrant that’s when it started. They the went on the run and laid low, so they wouldn’t get caught. They the sun went down and they went to sleep. In the middle of the night the swat team came in. When they came in Mike was in one room with his girl. The O.G. was in another room. Tevin was in the kitchen eating. So the swat team told them to get on the ground, they got on the ground with no problems at all. But thing about is that the O.G. got away. They took Mike and Tevin to the county jail for holding. The next Mike called Kebo to bail him out, his bail was 150,000.00. So Kebo went to go get the money so he bailed him out and had to go back the next day. All of sudden Kebo mom’s neighbor called and said she shot in the head. So Mike found out, and went ballistic. He had already knew who did it. So him and Kebo geared up and waited till it got darker.

Once it got dark it went down. Mike and Kebo went and shot it up. Then Mike caught another murder charge. Then Mike looked over in the passenger seat and Kebo was bleeding to deaf. Mike just sat there with Kebo until he passed in his arms. The police showed up an dlocked Mike up again. This time he had no bail. The court’s gave Mike 25 to life and Tevin got 15 yrs in prison.

The End Hood Wayz

One Year

Only 4 days until Camdyn will be ONE! My how a year has flown. Some things are unbelievable, but others are typical and I should have known. I am still naive old Stacey, bu I have a more jaded, sarcastic side than ever before. I find myself pushing responsibility off and ignoring things I shouldn’t. Time is of the essence and I have to value everyday as a gift to spend with my precious daughter. Life can be taken away as quickly as it is given, and I don’t want to look back with a lot of regrets.

It is hard having the responsibility of a person relying entirely on your shoulders, and sometimes it is so overwhelming I shut down. I try not to be one of the people I admonished about going out all of the time, but truth be told I understand more now. Being a parent is exhausting, and it is even more so when you do it by yourself. Sometimes you just need a break. I feel like I never get one, but her smile is worth it all. That grin makes my heart melt and all the worries fade away.

Thank you so much for all of the lessons you have taught me this year Miss Camdyn Sophia.  ❤

Half Marathon Anyone?

I have been thinking a lot lately. I have lots of good intentions, and I want to be really healthy. I have always wanted to run a marathon, but I think it would be more feasible if I started with a half marathon. I was looking a few years ago, and saw the one that I know I am going to run. It is the Disney Princess Half Marathon at Walt Disney World. I want to do it in 2011. It is 134 days away. I think I can totally do it. If I start and just try to work on my endurance over the next 6 weeks then I think I can start one of the schedules I have researched. I am going to need a lot of motivation, and encouragement, but I have never wanted to do anything this bad in my life. It is close to my birthday. That would be such an awesome birthday present if I could say that I had completed a half marathon.

To compete you must keep up a 16 minute mile the entire race. I really wish I had a partner, but since I don’t I think that will just increase my accomplishment when I finish the race. So everyone keep me inspired, and hold me accountable. If you see or talk to me ask me when was the last time I ran. I was walking with Camdyn a couple of weeks at the park and saw a lady that had to be in her 50’s at least, and she was outrunning everyone. I want to be that person. I want to be healthy and in shape. I just have to get up, get out of my funk and do it. So starting tomorrow I am going to go for a walk/run. I want to walk at least a mile and jog a mile. If i can do that and warm up and cool down then I will be very pleased. If I can’t then I am going to try again.

So there you have it. I want to run a half marathon in 134 days. I hope in 135 days that I will be posting a blog telling everyone how well I did.


Sundays are Fun days…

Today was a great day. Until the very end, but we will get there.

Camdyn and I went to church this morning, and it really was wonderful. It had been a long time, and I heard somethings that I really needed to hear. One quote that I loved was “If you can’t make it, faith it!” So true, and I was touched. They didn’t seem to mind when Camdyn would try to put her two cents worth in either, rather loudly too! After church we went to drop off a birthday present and GUESS WHAT!! Camdyn took about three steps! She hasn’t done it again, but she is certainly on her way to moving those feet. I’m so excited, but not too thrilled about the messes that will be occurring. We went to Aunt Shelly’s house after that and met a new friend named Mia. They had fun playing together, and her mom Jill was HILARIOUS! It was a nice time, and it was fun to hang out with a mom and baby. We went to Toys R Us too and bought some birthday presents! I can’t believe my baby is going to be one in less than a month. It seems like just yesterday I was walking around Appalachian with my giant belly! I got to talk to my dad today too! That was pretty nice. I feel bad about his situation, but at the same times all actions have a reaction.

The downfall of my night came when I began looking up stuff from my past. I can’t go into too much detail, but I found out news about a person from my past. It has brought me to tears every time I think about it. This person literally has no one that cares, doesn’t know what compassion or love is or feels like, and will never even have that opportunity. I wish I could go into more detail, but I can’t. I am just so upset and sad that society is ok with the results we have in people. If crime and drugs are at an all time high then why do we keep doing the same thing? How can people not care about their children? How can the just leave them and expect them to become successful? Children need guidance. Camdyn has a saying in her room, and it is the best advice for parents. “First you give your children roots, then you give them wings.” Without the roots they are destined to fail. So let’s all try to invest more time into our youth and see if we get better results!

Strawberry Soup


I decided to get creative, and made a vegan strawberry soup. It was cool and refreshing. A nice treat on a warm day.


4 cups almond milk

1/4 cup sugar

1 pint ripe, full-flavored strawberries

4 or 5 ounces of silken tofu (depends on how creamy you would like it to be_

Sprigs of fresh mint

In a blender puree all of the strawberries with the tofu, mint and sugar. Mix the strawberry puree with the almond milk. Add a pinch of salt to taste. (If the strawberries aren’t very ripe more sugar may be needed) Refrigerate until very cold. Serve with a mint sprig on top to make pretty.

Adopted and interpreted from The Complete Vegan Kitchen Continue reading

To Be or Not to be?

Here is the story. My brother is getting married. I am not one to say if it is a good idea or not, but I know I am VERY upset with his fiance. She very selfish, and doesn’t care what our family feels or thinks. Today she was a Carolina Beach with her mom, that is SEVEN minutes from my house and she refused to come and hang out with my mom, me, Camdyn, and my brothers. I am so frustrated and I genuinely do not know what to do. I told my Mom that if Zack’s fiance is at any family gathering that Camdyn and I will not be there. Now before you say that is selfish and childish of me know where I am coming from so you can understand.

For three years I fought and fought with my family to meet the one person that I truly loved. They refused. It was never even an option to even him. He wasn’t even allowed to drive in the driveway to pick me up. They had no idea the kind of person he was or anything about our relationship because they never asked. While that person has moved on in life it isn’t about him, but the principles. How can my family tell me I am being childish and selfish by not coming to family affairs when they never even gave someone I genuinely love an opportunity?

I know that she and I will probably never get along. I have tried over and over to reach out to her at least trying to be civil, but she will not even reciprocate. She really hurts my feelings more than anything, and I just don’t know what to do. I know that we will not be best friends, but I can’t put anything else into something with her when she won’t even approach me when she has an issue. (Apparently she is upset with me because I “harassed” my brother about our phone bill in Afganistan.)

I want to be the bigger person, and I think that if I just step back and live my life like it needs to be with my child then that is all that matters. She is my main concern, and I am not going to go somewhere that I am going to be upset and miserable. If only typing all of this out would make me feel better that would be great, but I am still very upset and at a loss as to what I should do. I guess I just have to keep moving forward and the people that treat me right can move with me.

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